It’s all about perspective. I used to think we needed to control our emotions, that we had to learn how to turn them on and off at will. I thought emotional maturity meant never losing your temper or feeling sad. I was wrong.
I don’t want to control anything. I want to enjoy. I want to experience and savor life. I want to become the hurricane, not stop it. It takes a lot of courage and stamina to feel. You have to open the floodgates and let everything rush over you. Can you stand it?
Can you dance as the pain rocks through you? Can you let the tears wash over you and carry you away?
Can you sit in the silence and hear the voice that tells you you’re not good enough? Or the one that whispers no one is safe?
Emotions are teachers. We don’t try to master them; we learn from them. We don’t control them; we listen to them and respect them.
So, what is the goal? It’s about standing in the eye of the storm without fear. Knowing that it’s all a part of you. Holding space for yourself. For the parts of you that were ignored and hurt. The parts you locked away. Facing yourself—that is how we “master” our emotions. But we shouldn’t think of it that way. We are freeing our emotions. We are giving ourselves the gift of love and attention.
True emotional mastery isn’t about control. It’s about presence. Being present with every emotion, every wave, and trusting that you are big enough to hold it all.
As you move through your own emotional landscape, take a moment to sit with whatever arises—whether joy, anger, sadness, or fear. Give yourself permission to feel deeply, without judgment. Embrace each emotion as a teacher, and allow it to guide you toward deeper self-awareness.
Remember, you are the hurricane. You are strong enough to ride the waves of emotion and emerge with more clarity and power. Start small, be gentle with yourself, and trust that, as the storm rages, you remain at the center, grounded and whole.
Ever since I started learning alchemy, I caught myself thinking that life would somehow become easier—more perfect. But I’ve found that isn’t true.
Over the past two years, my emotional growth has accelerated, largely due to my “shadow work”. I use quotes because “shadow work” can sound a bit woo woo, but in reality, it’s just what we all do: we grow, we learn, we live. Shadow work simply means being self-aware enough to face the parts of ourselves that have been neglected or ignored—the parts in pain. And while we call it work, it’s really just love. The hardest part isn’t the process itself; it’s having the courage to truly see those parts of ourselves.
Since diving into this work, my relationship with my family has improved. Why? Well, I have a complicated relationship with them—like many millennials do. Add to that the layers of being an immigrant, a woman, and growing up in a Catholic household, and you have a tangled web of expectations, traditions, and unspoken rules.
For most of my life, I sacrificed my own needs, betraying myself to make my family—especially my parents—happy. I spent years doing things for them, without even acknowledging my own feelings.
One example? Church.
I went to church with my parents every Sunday. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, what was wrong was suppressing how I truly felt about it.
Every week, I had to wake up at 7 AM so we could drive an hour to make it to the first mass. My parents liked the early service because it left the rest of the day free. I did enjoy aspects of those Sundays, but I wish I’d had a choice.
Technically, my mom said we had one. But was it really a choice?
Go to church, or hurt your mom.
Go to church, or disappoint your parents.
Go to church, or burn in hell.
I’m not sure any of those were real choices.
I would get up, sacrifice much-needed sleep, and sit in a pew, praying with my family. I did appreciate the time with them. But I didn’t appreciate the pressure to dress perfectly.
My church was full of judgmental people. There was an unspoken competitiveness: Who’s driving what car? Who gained weight? Who’s engaged? Who’s still single? Every week, I felt the pressure to dress well—to look polished. That meant modest dresses, pantyhose, curled hair, and uncomfortable shoes.
So not only was I waking up early, but I was also dressing as if I were going to prom, walking into a room where I felt like I was being quietly sized up. I’d stand for over an hour, reciting the same songs and prayers, playing the role of the good little girl—while resentment quietly built up inside me.
Church didn’t make me feel closer to God. If anything, it made me feel like I was constantly being watched, evaluated, and judged.
Then there was confession. Every month, I’d kneel in front of a priest and list my so-called sins—things like getting mad at my sister or saying the B-word with my friends. And yet, I’d feel immense guilt, as if I were begging God to spare me from eternal damnation.
Confession was like therapy—except instead of sitting with someone trained to help me process emotions, I was kneeling before a priest who was supposed to be a direct ear to God. Some priests asked leading questions, probably as a way to get kids to open up. Others just listened and asked if I regretted what I’d done—if I promised never to do it again.
Of course, I always promised.
But the next time I got mad at my sister, I’d feel awful. I thought I was a terrible person for failing to keep my word.
Now, as an adult, living with my boyfriend, I’m technically not allowed to go to confession. I’m “living in sin” according to my church, and I can’t confess until I either break up with him or get married.
Ironically, that’s the perfect excuse to stop going altogether.
Right before the pandemic, my mom pressured me to go to confession before Christmas, convinced it would be the worst thing ever if I didn’t. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
So, I lied.
I told her I’d go to the church near my apartment. But I didn’t.
And in that moment, I realized I didn’t need confession anymore. I had only ever done it to make my mom happy. And that’s not how spiritual practices should work. You have to connect with them on your own terms.
Since then, I haven’t been to confession, and honestly? I’m happier than ever.
My relationship with my family has improved. Spending time with them feels easier. I no longer feel like I’m enduring it—I actually look forward to seeing them.
This journey of shedding old patterns hasn’t been easy. Growth is messy. It’s uncomfortable. It’s ongoing.
I used to think that healing meant getting everything right. That alchemy would somehow make my life fall into place.
But the truth is, real growth isn’t about perfection—it’s about embracing all of yourself, including the parts that are still healing.
By stepping away from traditions and expectations that no longer serve me, I’ve found peace. Not the kind of peace that comes from pretending everything is fine, but the kind that comes from radical self-acceptance.
I’m still learning to prioritize my needs, to set boundaries, to stand in my own power.
But with every step, I am reconnecting with who I really am.
And that’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced.
Six blindfolded men were brought to an elephant and asked to touch different parts of it. One man touched the leg. Another touched the tail. Another the ear, and so on. Each man was then asked to describe what they thought they were touching.
One said, “This is thin, long, and scaly like a snake. I must be touching a snake.” Another said, “This is thick and sturdy like a tree trunk. I feel the bark. I must be touching a tree trunk.” Yet another said, “This is flat, thin, and flexible like a leaf. I must be touching a large leaf.”
Each man was right in describing his experience, yet at the same time, each was wrong. None could see the bigger picture—they were all touching different parts of the same elephant.
This ancient story from Buddhist texts is often used to explain religion: how different perspectives lead to different interpretations, all of which can be both true and incomplete at the same time. But this isn’t just about religion. This is about life itself.
We all go through life with blindfolds of our own—our perspectives shaped by our upbringing, culture, and personal experiences. We believe what we’ve been taught, what we’ve seen, and what we’ve lived. But our understanding is always limited until we step outside our own perspective, listen to others, and see the world through different eyes.
When My Blindfold Was Removed
Growing up, my family was deeply religious, especially after immigrating to the U.S. By high school, I went to church every Sunday and prayed twice a day. At the time, the church did not accept gay people. Honestly, I don’t even know if I can say it’s fully accepting now, but I do know that many more people understand.
Back then, I had never met someone who was openly gay. I hadn’t even encountered someone I thought was gay. Sexuality wasn’t something I truly understood—not even my own. So, I held the beliefs I had been taught, the ones my church instilled in me. I believed that being gay was a choice. That’s not what I believe now.
When I started college, I moved into my dorm and met a gay man who lived across the hall. We became instant friends. It felt like a soul reunion, as if I had known him in another life.
The more I got to know him, the more I saw his light shine through. And the more I realized that what my church had told me about gay people simply wasn’t true. Whatever people think the Bible says about gay people—I believe it has been misinterpreted. But all I can say for certain is this:
Gay people are not condemned to hell. Gayness is not a sin. And I know that as a fact.
My perspective changed because I experienced the truth firsthand. Before, everything I thought I knew was theoretical. But once I had real, human connection—once I saw—I understood.
A Lesson in Courage
Not only did I come to respect gay people, but I began to admire them.
I saw in them a level of strength, courage, and wisdom that I hadn’t yet found in myself. They lived their truth—even when the world threatened them with rejection, jail, and eternal damnation. They stood firm and said, “This is who I am. If you don’t accept me, that’s your loss.”
Meanwhile, I wasn’t even sure if I could be myself authentically.
That realization changed me. It made me question everything I thought I knew. It made me see the limits of my own perspective.
Like the blindfolded men touching the elephant, I had only been seeing one small part of reality. Meeting my friend was like removing the blindfold.
And that’s the beauty of life—when we listen, when we learn, when we allow ourselves to grow, we begin to see the bigger picture.
It’s hard to understand how to trust the Universe, God, and you when my life experiences have shown me that trusting others can be dangerous. You’re asking me to believe the opposite of what I’ve learned? That doesn’t make sense.
For example, in the past, whenever I opened my heart and let love flow through me, it seemed to attract “bad energy.” What do I mean by that? Mainly, people. I noticed that my openness and love toward others made people more predatory. Friends, family—even those I should have been able to trust—took advantage of my energy. I received unwanted attention, physical contact, and interactions that made me deeply uncomfortable.
And that’s just from this lifetime. I’m not even talking about the experiences of my ancestors or past lives, where my love, joy, and abundance seemed to draw pain and chaos toward me.
So how does that make sense?
The Flip: My World Turned Upside Down
In the summer of 2022, I experienced what I can only describe as a “flip.” Imagine sliding headfirst down a long slide. Then, suddenly, you flip upside down, and now you’re sliding feet first. That’s how it felt—like my soul or energy had turned inside out.
This was also when I started noticing strange shifts in the world. Subtle but undeniable. Continents looked different from how I remembered them. New Zealand wasn’t where I had learned it to be. At first, I considered the possibility of memory errors, but the changes felt more profound, almost magical. Maybe one day I’ll understand what really happened.
Back to the flip—when my world turned upside down in 2022, it reminded me of a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. The characters needed to enter the spirit world, and to do so, they flipped their ship upside down. When they did, their entire reality inverted, and they emerged somewhere new. That’s exactly how it felt for me. I popped up in a world where the rules were reversed—a mirror of the one I had known.
The Old World vs. The New World
In the world I left behind, good attracted bad, and bad attracted good.
Lying was rewarded.
Stealing led to success.
Harming others brought money, power, and status.
Meanwhile, the people who did good suffered for it.
Speaking the truth led to ridicule and judgment.
Living from the heart made you a target.
Being kind and generous drained you, as others took and took until you had nothing left.
It was as if the brighter your light, the more darkness sought to smother it. I saw this pattern everywhere. It’s why so many pure-hearted people—people deeply connected to the Universe—struggle with addiction, escapism, or self-destruction. In that world, purity was a liability. If you had no “bad counterweight” to balance you, you wouldn’t survive.
But here?
Here, good attracts good.
I’m still learning how to navigate this shift, but I feel it. In this new world, integrity, truth, and love aren’t just weaknesses waiting to be exploited—they are strengths. Maybe the Universe has been waiting for me to see this all along.
Seeking Truth Beyond Duality
I asked my guides, Do we need evil to balance our good?
Their answer: Queen of Swords, Page of Pentacles, The Emperor.
Maybe balance isn’t about good versus evil at all. Maybe it’s about clarity—seeing beyond duality (Queen of Swords), being open to learning new ways of understanding (Page of Pentacles), and creating a foundation where good can thrive on its own (The Emperor).
Perhaps the world I left behind wasn’t about balance at all. Maybe it was simply a world built on a different set of rules, ones that no longer apply to me. And maybe I don’t need to fear good attracting bad anymore.
I’m still learning. I’m still exploring. But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: I will follow my heart, create my own foundation, and trust that I am meant to exist in this world as I am—without fear.
Because maybe good isn’t meant to be balanced by evil. Maybe it’s meant to stand strong on its own.
Does suffering build character? It seems that way from the outside.
Most saints were martyrs. These people have the reputation of being the best humanity has to offer—so good that we view them as holy. And why not? They dedicated themselves to following their purpose. They gave more to humanity and existence than most humans combined. They died for their beliefs. They died for a cause. They left the world a better place than they found it. And in some way, they continue their purpose in the other realms, guiding those of us still walking through history.
But are we focusing on the wrong part of their stories?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about Joan of Arc’s story. She is the patron saint of France, a warrior, a visionary, a young woman who refused to accept the world as it was and fought for the one she believed in.
She heard divine voices—messages from angels guiding her. They told her to lead an army, to protect her people, and to move forward despite all odds. And she did. She didn’t question the command; she surrendered to the mission given to her. It wasn’t about personal ambition or proving herself—it was about obedience to a higher calling.
But it wasn’t just her faith that led her to victory—it was her unyielding will. She never hesitated when called to step forward, even though every step she took meant walking deeper into suffering. Betrayal. Corruption. The very people she fought for abandoned her. They feared her power more than they feared their enemies.
The political greed, the power-hungry vultures, the cowardice of those who chose comfort over courage—that is what led to her suffering, not divine justice. The fire that burned her wasn’t her test of faith. It was the fear of men who couldn’t control her.
It makes me wonder… are we witnessing history repeat itself?
The world is shifting. Truth and deception battle in plain sight. Fear is weaponized. Division is manufactured. And those who speak out are ridiculed, pushed aside, or worse. What would Joan of Arc tell us today?
Joan of Arc’s Message for the Collective
Keep your eyes open. The real battle is fought through narratives, illusions, and distractions. Do not act from fear—stay informed, trust your discernment, and see beyond deception.
Move forward with purpose. Hesitation weakens you. You already have what you need. Stop waiting for more signs. Make a choice, commit to it, and trust yourself.
You are more prepared than you think. This moment in history demands resilience, focus, and adaptability. You don’t need a hero to save you—you are the one meant to rise.
Trust your purpose, take action, and refuse to be controlled by fear.
So, Joan D’Arc, does suffering build character?
Suffering does not build character—your response to it does.
Pain itself does not make you stronger. It does not automatically shape you into someone wiser, braver, or more resilient. It is what you do with suffering that matters.
Some people break under suffering, losing themselves in bitterness, fear, or regret. Others rise, sharpened by the fire, more certain of who they are and what they stand for.
Endurance alone is not enough. You must move through suffering with purpose.
If you see suffering as meaningless, it will only drain your spirit. But if you see it as a challenge to overcome, a test of faith, or a necessary step in your path, you transform suffering into fuel.
I did not become who I was because I suffered. I became who I was because I never lost sight of my mission.
The world may try to crush you, to strip you of your voice, your power, and your truth. But if you hold your ground, trust in your purpose, and refuse to be broken by hardship, you emerge stronger—not because of the suffering itself, but because you refused to let it define you.
Suffering is not the teacher. Your spirit is. Your response is. Your faith in your purpose is.
Conclusion: The Fire of Purpose
Joan of Arc’s legacy is not in her suffering, but in her unyielding faith and fearless action. She reminds us that true strength is found in trusting our mission and moving forward despite fear.
Her own words echo this truth:
“I am not afraid… I was born to do this.” “Act, and God will act.” “Go forward bravely. Fear nothing. Trust in God; all will be well.”
Her fire did not die—it lives on in those bold enough to walk their path with courage.
Every year during this time Ukrainians sing a song to the Virgin Mary. I’ve been hearing the song in my head for months. “Pure maiden, rejoice! I say again, Rejoice!” The English translation sounds clunky and puritan, but in Ukrainian it’s the most beautiful song. It flows from word to word. The notes rise with each verse bringing a sense of excitement and giving me chills. It never fails to make me emotional.
In Ukrainian, the word used is “шиста”, which means clean or pure. It’s common to describe water this way.
The song itself is not Ukrainian. It was written by the Greek, St. Nectarios of Aegina, called Agni Parthene ( O Pure Virgin), first published in 1905. It became an Eastern Orthodox hymn and made its way to the Ukrainian church where it found me.
My family has always loved the Virgin Mary. I remember my aunt teaching me her prayer. I remember how my mom and grandma spoke about her. She seemed like the most gentle and loving person. The epitome of what it means to be a woman.
I slowly felt distanced from mother Mary because the virgin part was so emphasized. I get the sense that the church, priests, nuns, bishops etc, seemed to focus on the virgin part, like that was the most important thing. Whenever I heard priests read Mary’s story from the Bible and even speak about her during mass, the purity seemed to take center stage of her story.
As I explored my beliefs I felt resistance to Mary. Similar to Jesus, she seemed too good. No one can ever compare. No matter how hard I try, I will never give birth to the messiah in a virgin birth. What an incredibly impossible ideal for women!
Other than being impossible for most women to attain, it’s also extremely limiting. The biblical and catholic perspective of Mary centers around her being a mother to the savior. A virgin mother to the savior. Is that her highest goal? To be a mother? To give birth? I’m not saying this isn’t a beautiful blessing and honor, but is that all women have to live up to? Motherhood?
Obviously in the present day women can be mothers and also contribute to the world in other ways. Women create music and art. They build bridges and plan cities. Women can do all the things men can do and then give birth to the savior. Women are incredible.
I’ve been reading about this idea of a virgin. I’m starting to understand it a different way. Someone whose soul is pure, is a virgin. It’s not actually about the body. Although when your soul is pure you will take care of your body. All of us, men and women, should strive for a pure soul.
If Mary is the catholic version of the divine feminine, then there’s a whole lot of stuff that’s missing from her narrative.
Mary’s hero’s journey starts with Annunciation. March 25th marks the day that Archangel Gabriel visited Mary to tell her she will give birth to Jesus.
At the time, Mary was engaged to be married to Joseph. She was a young, unwed woman in a time when women were property under the law. The punishment for sex outside of marriage was death.
Women nowadays have children outside of marriage all the time. Women are their own people under most laws in present day. If a woman claimed she was impregnated by God today, most of us would think she’s crazy. Or lying. Of course, those concerns were there then too. Even Joseph doubted Mary’s story. Archangel Gabriel also came to Joseph to settle his fears about the baby.
But Mary had way more to fear than people thinking she’s a crazy liar. Her life was in danger. The Angel’s message was a death sentence in those times. Mary must have been terrified at first. I imagine her panicking and asking “why me?!” I imagine she thought this was a punishment. She was ready to start her perfect life and all the sudden God comes in to shake it up.
Later in the Bible, Jesus is all grown up doing his thing talking to crowds. A woman yells out, “Blessed is the womb that carried you, and the breasts at which you nursed!” This is in Luke 11:27-28.
As a side note, I find it disturbing to refer to women, much less Mary, as a womb with breasts.
Jesus responds to this woman’s outburst by saying, “Even more blessed are those who hear God’s Word and guard it with their lives!” I love this response because it shows the way. While being a mother is a blessing, the bigger blessing in Mary’s story is that she heard the word of God and followed it.
Interesting that the numbers of the Bible passage have a message, too. 1127 carries the energy of surrender. 2728 means to have faith in what you do. The number 28 means follow your one true heart. The number 27 means trust your intuition and follow your inner guidance.
While catholics like to say Jesus is telling us to follow the Bible (word of God), I believe the message is different. Jesus is not referring to the Bible as the word of God because the Bible hadn’t been written for hundreds of years. In fact, he’s not referring to any church’s claim to being the word of God.
At that time, there was a well-established religion: Judaism. The were temples and holy men. There were religious leaders and judges. Jesus was saying Mary is especially blessed to have heard the word of God, not from her church or religious text, but from her heart and intuition. Jesus is giving the message that God speaks to us all the time. Blessed are those who hear.
It takes more than just listening though. It takes strength to follow that path that is revealed. It takes courage to answer the call of your destiny. It takes purity to hear it in the first place.
Archangel Gabriel’s name translates to “God is my Strength”, which doesn’t exactly make sense in his role of communication. Strength seems better suited for a warrior like Archangel Michael. Why does the messenger embody strength? Because Archangel Gabriel is the Angel that reveals our purpose to us. Nothing is harder than to stand in your truth with the whole world against you.
Archangel Gabriel, as the Angel of messages and communication, is also the same energy as Mercury. Mercury is about to go Retrograde and the Angel Gabriel is here with us to help us with our purpose. He shares his strength and clarity with those who hear the word of God in their lives.
If you want to hear God, purify your thoughts. Sit with your shadows and deep clean your soul.
God’s word is the fire that burns inside us. What’s burning inside you?
For the past year, I have been trying to understand “surrender”. What am I surrendering to? What am I surrendering? What does it mean? What does it feel like?
Before turning to Google, I explored my own mind and memories. What does the word surrender mean to me? The first thing that came to mind was war. Fighting. Hand-to-hand combat. Soldiers in armor with swords. Mud, blood, and sweat. These soldiers are tired and hurting. Waves of enemies crash over them. They fight even harder, but the enemy won’t stop. Finally, the enemy overpowers them. They drop their swords. On their knees, they bow their heads. They have failed. All is lost. Surrender.
Is that what I’m supposed to do? To what? Life? I’m supposed to let life take everything out of me? I’m supposed to feel completely defeated? I’m supposed to feel like I’m not good enough? Like I failed? Like I failed myself, my loved ones and my people? Surrender? That doesn’t sound right. What else does surrender mean?
The second thing that comes to mind is sports. Mixed martial arts. Again, there’s hand-to-hand combat, but no war. Just two people fighting for glory. They have trained all their lives and they are masters of their bodies. Grappling, kicking, punching. They feel the adrenaline coursing through them. As time goes on, they begin to tire. One opponent gets the upper hand. They overpower the other. The other feels he is losing. He tries his best, but it’s not enough. His opponent is too strong. He accepts his defeat and respects his opponent’s skill. Surrender. Maybe surrender is letting go of your ego and accepting the power of a stronger opponent.
The dictionary says surrender means to “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority”. This definition is similar to my personal definition, which helps me understand my struggle with this word.
Putting it all together, I can analyze surrender. Both my definition and the dictionary say you have to stop resisting an enemy or opponent. I have a problem with this. While it makes sense on a battlefield or in the gym. Who is the enemy or opponent in life? Is it life? Is it God or the Universe? If so, why would my life be my opponent (much less my enemy)? How can God be my opponent? That doesn’t make sense to me, which tells me I’m not there yet. I need to dig deeper.
The final part of the definition is to submit to their authority. This part is the hardest for me because this sounds like slavery. It sounds like giving up control. On a battlefield, I would probably rather die than surrender. In the gym? Well, I’m not the best loser. It would be hard to surrender even in a gym, but there wouldn’t be the option of death, just humiliation.
Giving up control to a higher authority makes me afraid. Why? Because deep down I believe only I can take care of myself. Only I have my best interests at heart. Why would I let anyone else take care of me? I don’t think it’s fair to make others responsible for me. This whole “submit to another’s authority” is annoying. Also, I absolutely hate feeling forced to do something because someone said so. Giving up control feels like giving up freedom, which feels scary. Plus, if you add the whole “stop resisting an enemy that’s better than you” part, it feels humiliating.
Overall, this perspective of surrender feels exhausting, humiliating, and demoralizing. It means you did your absolute best and it wasn’t good enough. It means you give someone control over you because they’re better than you. It means that you acknowledge they’re better than you. This is why it’s so annoying to hear people telling me to surrender. Do you think I failed? Do you think I should give up? I certainly don’t feel that way. Why should I surrender? To whom?
All in all, I think the spiritual community is doing the world a huge disservice by constantly telling them to surrender. Many people, like me, see it as a failure. And when we’re told that the only way out to get our heart’s deepest desires is to become slaves to some higher power, that just doesn’t seem right.
This is how I use the idea of MOO SHOO flow. This idea tells me there are positive and negative sides to everything. Everything, including surrender. Right now, I only see the negative side: losing, humiliation, defeat. There has to be a positive side. What can it be?
First, stop resisting.
Resisting can mean fighting someone, like in a war. This form of resistance is an action. You are physically doing something. This is electric masculine energy. Resisting can also mean refusing to accept something or be changed by something. This is magnetic feminine energy. Unlike fighting, resisting in this way is being closed off. It’s a passive form of resistance where you don’t allow things to come in. Imagine someone offers you an apple and you are hungry, but you don’t want to take things from people so you refuse. Resistance.
I see this in my life when I refuse help from others. Do I say no to blessings and gifts? Gifts are a big one. I used to tell people not to get me gifts for my birthday. I had many reasons, but the truth was I didn’t know how to accept. Now I accept gifts anyone with gratitude. I stopped resisting. Now I allow people to support me. I allow people to compliment me. All these things have made me feel grateful and humble. Most importantly, it has made me feel connected.
Second, submit to an enemy or opponent.
I think the positive aspect of the enemy/opponent is someone (something) that is teaching you. The word enemy has always meant someone directly opposed to you who is harming you at every step. The root of the word means “not friend”. What is a friend? Someone who uplifts you and supports you with love. So an enemy is really someone or something that makes you grow through pain, fear, etc. All stories have a hero and a villain. Without the villain, the hero wouldn’t grow. The hero must conquer their enemies to get their happily ever after. So why would you submit to that person or thing? Isn’t that dangerous? If I went back to Ceasar’s time and told him, “Hey, you want to be happy? Submit to your enemy.” Worst advice ever. Doesn’t make sense. So why is that the thing to do nowadays? Well, clearly the meaning of the enemy is deeper than humans have understood. Enemies and villains are necessary.
Enemies/opponents don’t have to be people. In my life, my enemies have included alcohol, potato chips, and fear (just to name a few). Ok, so how do you “submit to their authority”? Is that just slavery? If Alexander the Great submitted to Persia his name would have been lost to history. His country would have been destroyed. Right?
I used to be obsessed with potato chips. I could eat a family-sized bag in 1 sitting (and I did eat that on many occasions). I used to crave chips so much that I wouldn’t let myself eat them. Or I would only buy them for a special occasion and I would only get a small bag. But some days when I felt stressed or upset I would lose complete control and binge on potato chips. Then I felt guilty and did not eat them for weeks. This went on for a while. I felt a lot of shame and guilt for my potato chip obsession. During that time, I was learning how to love myself and practicing letting go of judgment. Soon I noticed the judgment I had about chips. It was ridiculous that I judged myself so much for eating potato chips. I could feel how much energy went into my own self-judgment and then the shame. Why was I wasting my time and energy with this? I decided to try to stop judging myself.
I gave myself permission to buy and eat as many chips as I wanted without judgment. If I wanted to eat 5 bags of chips a day, I would support myself. No more criticism. The next time the chips craving hit, I got the biggest bag I could find. I sat there watching TV with my sour cream and onion chips. I crunched and munched and crunched happily. Not feeling ashamed. Not feeling scared that tomorrow I would hate myself. I ate until I felt satisfied and when I looked down, the bag was still half full. Huh. That’s weird. Normally, I would eat the whole bag before feeling done.
I kept at it. I allowed myself to eat as much as I wanted. I made special runs to the store if I got the craving. Not long passed before I didn’t care for chips anymore. Yes, I still love potato chips, but I don’t feel the need to gorge. I feel satisfied with a handful of chips. I can stop anytime. I can share. Things I wasn’t able to do before. So, my enemy in that situation was me.
I was the only one hurting myself. I surrendered to my cravings with love for myself. This allowed me to let go of shame, guilt, and fear. All these emotions were created by me against me. When I surrendered to them I felt satisfied. I felt grateful. I felt my own love for the first time in a while.
I wish surrender was that easy in every situation. My struggle with alcohol was much harder and I didn’t use the same approach. But that’s a story for another post.
Surrendering to fear means accepting it. Understanding it.
So, how do you surrender? Well, it’s different for each person in each situation. I have learned how to do it in certain situations and I’m still learning. For me, it’s hard because I don’t always feel safe. I know that surrender done in a positive way should feel like relief, fun, joy, and gratitude. Surrender means letting go of your resistance to love. Accepting blessings and allowing abundance. Maybe even letting go of parts of yourself that want pain. Most importantly, when done right, surrender feels like safety. You finally trust that nothing and no one can ever hurt you. You trust that only the most amazing things are coming into your life. Trust comes with feeling safe, which is something I’m still learning to do.
Be presentin the moment.
For me, it helps to be as present as possible. What does this mean? It means to look up right now. Take your eyes off the screen and look around. What blessings do you see? If you don’t see any, you’re not really looking. When I look up I see my two feet. I am so grateful for my healthy body and my working feet, that take me everywhere I want to go. I see a city out my window. I see clear skies. No war. No bombs. I am grateful I live in a safe city. I see my cat sleeping. I am grateful I have a beautiful, healthy kitty who brings me joy and love. That’s living in the present. Look around. What do you appreciate? Do this all the time. Hug yourself. Thank your body for housing you, thank the Earth for your body. Thank the Universe for your life. You’re living in the moment.
Sit with discomfort.
The final way I have been practicing surrender is by being fully present in situations where I’m unhappy. Being present in the moment is different. Being present in uncomfortable situations feels more like surrendering on a battlefield. For example, I feel burnt out at my job. I am looking for a new job, but in the meantime I’m stuck. I feel trapped in a place I don’t want to be. I would like to be grateful for the opportunity to show me how powerful I am, but I’m not there yet. I’m too close to the problem to feel that.
How do I surrender to this situation? The first thing I did was to identify what tasks I hate doing the most and figure out how to make them easier. I cut out all the things I was doing that I didn’t need to do. I’m lucky that I have some freedom in my work so that I can choose my tasks. I stopped doing things in ways that made me unhappy. It turns out, I was saying YES to things that were way out of my job description. Why? I don’t even know. So, I started saying NO more. I added more boundaries. I stopped taking calls in the evenings. I brought in that MOO SHOO energy and it made things flow.
My job has gotten much easier and much better. I am still searching for a new job. Even with the improvements, I want something new. This isn’t me anymore. So, I surrendered to the situation. I asked myself what would make it better and I did those things. I learned to appreciate the good things about my job because it’s not all bad. All this has made me appreciate the job and the lessons I learned from it. It also made me connect with my clients and my coworkers. I feel like I have surrendered, but I’m still here. So I’m learning how to detach and surrender to divine timing, but it’s annoying. I feel impatient. Still, things are much better. So I am both impatient for the next step and grateful for the progress at the same time.
Calling it “surrender” is not the right word. Surrender implies war, slavery, and humiliation. I think it’s more like waking up. Wake up and realize you were having a nightmare. Open your heart and see: your life is amazing and you are perfect.
In December 2004, I had a nightmare where I was walking on a lake full of dead, bloody bodies. There was rubble all around. Trees were ripped out of the ground, buildings destroyed. Two weeks later a 9.1 magnitude earthquake in the Indian Ocean caused one of the worst recorded tsunamis in history. I watched the destruction on the news and I felt so sad because I knew this was just the beginning.
I used to be afraid of “the apocalypse”. “The end of times”. I remember thinking I hope I don’t have to live through that! Ironically, I didn’t know I was already in it.
MOOSHOOflow has shown me a way out of this thinking. The first step is to think about my current view of the end of the world. My old perspective was focused on the pain, death, destruction, disease, etc. MOOSHOOflow tells me that there are other sides of it.
How can we find peace, love and harmony in death and destruction? Well, just look around. Earth is the best example of the constant change in the universe. It might be hard to see it because we’re in it, but if you look at history and think about infinity, you realize that all this is temporary.
I think earlier humans (maybe even religious institutions like the Catholic Church) used the idea of the apocalypse to control people. I think the view of it was so skewed towards the negative that we haven’t been able to access this higher vision.
I know in the depths of my being that there is light at the end of our tunnel.
A few years ago, I had a dream that I was a giant man standing near the sea. There was a submarine next to me. I was ashamed of what was on the submarine so I took it and threw it into the “bottomless sea” (that was the phrase from my dream). As the submarine started to sink into the sea, I was now inside the submarine. I was a person stuck inside and I knew I was sinking into this bottomless sea. I started to panic. The metal walls were cracking and bending from the pressure. We sank lower and lower and I started to accept my fate. I looked out the porthole and saw 3 whales staring back at me. I knew things would be OK. I just had to relax.
The submarine reached the bottom of the bottomless sea. I got out and there was a train track covered in moss and green grass. I started following it and then slowly I could see there was a tunnel. Light came out of the tunnel. The closer I got, I could see there were people waiting for me. Waving and laughing and welcoming me. Like I have never been welcomed before.
Thinking about them now, I can feel the most pure love. It’s a feeling and a belief that everything I have ever wanted, the love and support I always wanted, wants me back. I felt it in my heart and soul.
This is what’s waiting for us all. They’re waiting for us to get through that darkness. And we’re not very far.
Since then, my perspective of “apocalypse” has changed. Earth is giving birth to a new planet. We’re going through the destruction and pain of the birthing process.
I used to think about how we are to the Earth what cells are to our bodies. This is not a new concept. I’ve seen it described as the Law of Correspondence in ancient cultures and philosophies. “As above, so below.” The way I understand it is that everything is an example of itself. Everything is a mirror for itself.
So, the same way a human body gives birth to another human, the Earth is currently doing that. Just how birth can be painful and bloody, so is this. Of course when we lose 500 million skin cells every day, no one feels that loss. It’s just a natural part of living in a human body. If we lost that many people in 1 day, it’s a different story. We’re conscious. We have friends, families, dreams and goals. We are limited by our fears of death, so we need perspective.
Some things are beyond our understanding. I wish people didn’t have to suffer like they do. I wish plants, animals and the Earth could do this transition grounded in love and grace. I keep reminding myself my human mind wants to escape pain. I want to spare people the pain. But who am I to think that that’s what’s best for them or for the Earth?
Anyway, I think the end of the world is really a transition. Death is followed by rebirth. Pain is followed by joy. I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and Earth and humanity will make it out. The bliss that is waiting for us, the beings of love who are there, it’s better than any words I can use.
I will continue to hold this vision until I see it reflected back.
I used to have nightmares as a kid. My sister would tell me to imagine my guardian angel wrapping me up in his wings where nothing bad could get me. And that’s exactly what I did.
I can hear myself saying my prayer asking ANGELOU to protect me. That’s what I call my guardian angel. It’s how the Ukrainian word for angel sounds.
I still do this today. Angel wings are my security blanket. If I’m on the subway and I feel threatened, if I’m walking down a dark street, if I’m just feeling crappy, I suit up in angel wings. It works really well for me.
I always felt connected to angels. God and Jesus felt so high above me. Praying to God used to make me feel small and gross. I felt like if I didn’t say the right words in the right way, God would be mad at me. But the angels felt comforting and approachable.
One of the first spiritual classes I took was an Angel healing workshop taught by an amazing woman named Jane Dawson. That was the first time I really FELT their presence and it was incredible. We learned to call in Archangels Michael and Raphael for healing. I felt their energy so much stronger than I ever did alone. I was filled with laughter, joy and love. Their love for us is so much more powerful than anything I have ever felt.
That’s when I started researching the different angels and what they do. The most important thing I understand about them is that you have to ask for their help. They will not just come in and fix things for you.
Whenever I remember, I ask for their help with my goals. If I know the angel in charge of the thing I need, I will ask them by name.
“Archangel Ariel, lion of God, I ask for your help with my finances. Help me open up to all the abundance life has to offer”. There’s no wrong way to do it. The words don’t really matter, it’s all about the intention in your heart.
If I didn’t know the angel’s name I would just ask for whichever angel is most qualified to help. I used to say, “Angels of romance and relationships, please help me find the best partner for my life”. And they did! Thank you, Angels!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about them a lot. Why are there fallen angels? Why are there warrior angels? These are some of the questions that have been coming up in my mind and I am currently exploring. Stay tuned if you’re curious and please share your perspective on angels in the comments.
MOOSHOOflow 